Last February my kids began speech therapy. I knew speech delays were common among twins so I had been hyper aware of their speech progression. I decided to check in with their pediatrician at their 18-month visit. He wasn’t overly concerned but said they should have a few more words than they did. He wrote a recommendation to have them evaluated and we set up the appointment. Much to my surprise I was told that all the speech therapy services were free to the family. What an insane blessing it is that the government funds this program. After our evaluation, both kids qualified for services each week.
A few weeks later we were matched with a therapist and setup our first appointment. I was excited to dive into this with my kids and start making progress to get them where they needed to be. We were lucky to get paired with a seasoned therapist and I was fascinated by all of her games, tips and methods of working with children. More than anything this year in speech therapy has been a huge learning experience for myself. For kids under 3 it is the therapists job to train parents how to work with their children on speech development. The therapy is play based activities and while Mary, our therapist, was coaching the kids she was truly training me how I could approach regular activities to allow them to help with speech progression. This was exciting and very eye opening. I was eager to adjust the way I had been doing things and to be honest I wanted every single toy she used so I could replicate what she was doing.
It didn’t take long for judgements from others to start rolling in. I can’t tell you how many people thought I was crazy and told me they didn’t need speech therapy. I heard a lot of, “oh they will talk soon don’t worry”, or “wow speech therapy but they are so young”, and “you’ll get them to talk and then it will never stop so don’t rush it”. All of these external judgments had me feeling and little uneasy and insecure. It kept happening over and over with people until I almost was afraid to mention it. There were also several times that people wouldn’t say anything but used their nods and other gestures to let me know they were silently judging me. I could also feel when other parents puffed up and would make comments about all the intellectual success their kids were having. If I didn’t have my parent coach training I think this could have crumbled me! My goal as a parent coach is always to create a judgment free space for all that I come in contact with. This job is hard enough, we don’t need anyone else to make us feel bad. We also judge ourselves and I continually remind myself that all children develop in different ways and at different paces. No child is ever better than another because we are all on our own unique journey.
As our time went on I was grappling with trying to figure out why people thought this was a bad or an unnecessary thing. I cleared it out of my mind by focusing on the fact that the experts felt it was beneficial for my kids. That worked for a while and then I then I started to feel the constant insecurity of my kids being the ones that were “behind”. One of the biggest learning curves for me is that speech therapy is an incredibly slow process and I happen to be a fairly impatient person. Every time one of these feelings would pop up the universe would slap me in the face with a reality check. There was a particular morning I had arrived at my kid’s gym class and I was feeling all the emotions and as I sat there a mom walked out of the suite next to the gym with her son who was autistic. He was having a hard time and was frustrated about getting in the car. Seeing that other mom’s patience reminded me how incredibly blessed I was to have such a minor issue and such incredible support to work through it.
About 6 months in to therapy we brought in an occupational therapist. More than anything I learned that occupational therapy many times is not what you would expect! This was a critical turning point especially for my daughter. Through the therapy we discovered she had a milk allergy that was effecting so many aspects of her development. It is fascinating to me that a healthy child who didn’t get sick with milk and had drank it every day for more than a year, could have an allergy like that. Once we switched to almond milk Olivia’s speech, appetite, attitude and attention span all improved DRAMATICALLY!!! This discovery has been such a gift!
I have talked to a lot of other Mom’s whose husbands or friends advise them against therapy. I can understand their hesitation and heartache. I have been so inspired by this journey and know there are many families out there who need help and aren’t getting it. Here is what helped me work though the shaming from others and my own processing of it all:
1) Scheduled learning time
I started to view our therapy sessions as scheduled learning time. Often we will play games, play outside or make crafts but therapy is an awesome time for us to stop each week and learn something new. The kids get tons of practice and I learn new tips and ways to work on things with them. Viewing it this way allowed me to silence all the judgements and focus on what was most important.
2) Early intervention is always best
The more I study and the more professionals I talk with it is clear that the earlier the intervention, the better especially in these situations. Waiting for others to approve or assuming the problem will resolve itself only put kids at a further disadvantage.
3) Removing my own agenda
I say this all the time to parents I coach and I often have to remind myself that if our agendas are always in the way, we cannot give our kids the tools they need to work through things. If I had let my insecurities, patience or negative self-talk get in the way we wouldn’t be where we are today. My kids have made amazing strides and I am so proud of the work we have done. I always knew in my gut it was the right thing but silencing the negative mental messages we give ourselves takes a lot of effort. While this therapy is for my children, I have learned a lot about myself in the process. I will forever feel more comfortable in choosing what I think is right for my kids instead of listening to the shame others project!